Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Magic Eraser

* * * * * All my memories GONE with just one swipe!!! July 29, 2013
By Carrie Dee
Size Name: 8-Count Box

I'm something of a serial mover--don't like to stay in any one place too long. Whenever I decide to head to a new city (or country--I'd go to a new planet if I could), the first thing I do is go to the store and buy a box of Magic Erasers. These things really are unbelievable, and so easy to use. You just wet it in the sink, squeeze out the extra water, and scrub away. 

Scummy shower walls? Gone like magic. Perpetually water-streaked kitchen sink? Gone like magic. Scuffed floors from failed attempts to teach yourself how to tap dance? Gone like magic. Headboard-banged wall after you and that shithead from Dairy Queen went at it for a few weeks and then he never called you back? Gone like magic. Stained countertop from that time you brought the neighbor kids over to dye Easter eggs without their mother's permission and when she caught you the baby was so scared she knocked over her cup? Gone like magic. Ashy cabinet bottoms after carelessly burning photographs of your father and his significantly younger third wife? Gone like magic. 

It all disappears so beautifully. I don't know how they do it. Anyway, Magic Erasers are perfect for anyone moving on in life. You can't take the past with you, and you certainly don't want the new tenants to see all those filthy remnants of your life. Mr. Clean's the best magician for the job.

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Friday, July 26, 2013

Tish & Leo (a vignette)

It was their dream house. Both of them had each grown up with fantasies of living in a house with secret passages and hidden doors, with buried treasure and dumbwaiters and sliding panels and trapdoors.

Tish and Leo found that dream home exactly one month after Leo surprised Tish with an antique engagement ring baked into a chocolate souffle. On weekends, the two spent their afternoons driving around town on old back roads, admiring the old brick homes and older trees that lined the sidewalks. Tish liked to make up stories about the families that lived in the houses, populating the buildings with flappers and ghosts and suppressed housewives and seances and mysteries and murders. Leo filled them with moonshiners and gangsters, with detectives, with elegant dinner parties gone terribly, satisfyingly wrong.

On one Sunday afternoon in September, the air still a little heavy with the last bit of summer haze, they found it.  Leo saw the For Sale sign first. He yanked the car out of the lane and pulled up at the house's curb. Tish leapt out as soon as the car came to a halt. She stood in the yard with her hand outstretched and waiting for Leo's.

Three stories tall, swaddled in the shade of a dozen tall oaks, their house's doors and windows winked from beneath the branches like conspiratorial eyes. Tish stared at it and knew in her bones that it was meant to be theirs. She breathed in and felt the house breathing with her, felt its hollow spaces, felt the deep and secret rooms that matched the deep and secret places in her heart.

Leo locked the car and took hold of Tish's hand. He could feel her tension. She was trembling, resonating like a plucked string. Her face was suffused with something serene and heartbroken. She looked the way she sometimes did when Leo woke in the middle of the night, finding her sitting up in bed, staring at nothing, eyes open but still asleep. Leo thought he loved Tish best at moments like this, when she was far away and strange, warm and close but somehow impossibly remote, like the moon.

He reached out and gently brushed at her hair. She blinked and sighed. "We're home," she said, squeezing Leo's hand.

Three and a half weeks after that day, they were. The house stretched their budget, but they funneled money away from the big lavish wedding Tish's parents wanted her to have, and got married in the courthouse instead.

Every closet had a trapdoor that led to the attic, which was cobwebby and bright, lit by skylights and a big stained glass window. There wasn't a dumbwaiter, but there was an old laundry chute with little brass doors opening onto each floor. In the kitchen, the pantry door was molded right into the wall, no edging, with a piece of wainscoting going right across the middle of it.

Leo found the crawlspace. He edged between the brick exterior and the interior plaster walls, moving between the studs, catching glimpses of light through old picture frame nail holes.  Tish nearly had a heart attack when a disembodied knock sounded from inside the bedroom walls. She chased Leo through the house, smacking the walls, following his self-satisfied boyish cackles from room to room. When he emerged covered in dust and drywall and spiders, Tish demanded to be shown the entrance.

They spent the rest of the evening haunting each other.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Secrets Secrets are No Fun

Georgie lived for secrets. She spent hours lying in wait, or standing, or crouching, in wait just to hear them. Mastering the quirks of the house, learning which stairs creaked and which walls were the thinnest. The servants never noticing a slip of skirt visible under the curtains, too eager to scandalize each other with tales of the night before. Her father too, was unaware, having drunk too much scotch with her uncle to notice that certain important papers were missing from his study. Her mother would often find her, edges blurred by dust, in the bottom of a wardrobe or packed neatly under a desk.

The mother thought it was harmless, Georgie was just a little girl whose hero was Sherlock Holmes. She couldn't see the menace in the blonde curls, looping there like a snake ready to pounce.

Georgie knew the power of secrets, knew that once you had them, the world became easier. As she grew up, she held her vast library of unknown information behind her eyes, and no one could see it lurking there, threatening to get out.

She saved them until her mother became insufferable, he father threatened her with useless marriages, the servants stopped fawning over the once adorable child. One sweltering afternoon, when rain hovered but never fell, she unleashed them like a hurricane, all together, one secret building upon the strength of the last, wind whipping them into an unstoppable storm of pain and guilt.

Georgie did not marry. She went to live with her brazen young aunt in Paris, in a house that was filled with it's own set of locked doors and shadowy corners. They didn't matter of course. She would learn their tricks, open them up, store their secrets in her ever shimmering eyes, her luminous hair. Waiting.