Die Young

Clarice looked at the next question on the career test:

27) Imagine you lived in a glass house. What sort of landscape would you prefer to see outside your windows?

     A) Streets

     B) Fields

     C) Skyscrapers

     D) Castles

     E) Sea

     F) Sky

What the hell kind of a question is that? First of all, streets and skyscrapers and castles aren't exactly landscapes. They are built upon land--by definition, not part of the land. Sea and sky aren't really land, either. Is this a trick question? Are you supposed to say "fields" because it's the only actual type of landscape in the list?

And what do landscapes have to do with potential careers anyway? If she selects B, does that mean she'd make a good farmer? If she selects C, should she become a Wall Street tycoon? Hell no. Clarice hopes the test isn't that transparent, but she wouldn't be surprised. For all their big talk, adults are fucking dumb.

Where's "dirt" on this list?

     G) Dirt

That's what she'd select if she could. All Clarice wants to do is graduate from high school, move to a big city and end her life in some glamorous way, like a heroin overdose or slit wrists. She doesn't want to have a career at all. She doesn't want to grow old and tired and pathetic.

She selects C, since cities are the best place to die young.